Bad­ger Stew, by Pauline Beaumont

She had always hated waste
So made a ver­dant, pun­gent paste
from tons of for­aged wild gar­lic
(which sadly made the fam­ily sick)

She moved to dead things squashed quite flat
rab­bit, stoat or grouse
The col­lec­tion expanded with rats and a cat
(There started a ter­ri­ble smell in the house)

Alas, she pro­gressed from road kill
not sat­is­fied with hedge­hogs now.
She started to pick off lambs from the hill
and last night she came home with a cow.

Dri­ving along a coun­try lane
her shovel always ready
some thought she looked a touch insane
kalash­nikov held steady

She gave her vis­i­tors bad­ger stew
with lamb kid­neys a la Hun­gar­ian
the lot of them spent the whole night in the loo
and have now all turned full vegetarian

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